15 Comments
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Anchita Ghatak's avatar

You are on a journey of discovering yourself and are doing it bravely.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Hi Anchita, thank you so much for your vote of confidence. You made my day :)

Roshni's avatar

Lovely Karthik! I was faced with a very strange situation very recently wrt to praise. Why do I respond like a child to it ? I don't know really and I think this overwhelm explains it partly....as usual love how you start at one place and with your curiosity reach so many different places ...!

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Hey Roshni, thanks a lot for your appreciation. Glad it resonated with you. I am sure it won't explain everything - you will have to hold your thoughts and sit with them for a while. Ever since writing to this prompt on Slack, I have become hyper aware in these situations catching on to those stray thoughts. And that is how I got till here.

Mihir Chate's avatar

Thank you for penning this Karthik🙏. I could fully picture the moments unfold as you described them so well here❤️‍🩹

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thanks a lot Mihir. I am happy to know that my narration of those moments has come out well :)

Architecture, Feminism, and Me's avatar

Thank you for sharing this Karthik.

Your essay took me back to one of my conversations with my therapist. We were discussing something similar - accepting compliments, celebrating small wins, etc - and why it was so difficult for me. I remember saying ‘because it’ll make me complacent!’ It’s really something that comes from our upbringing and needs to be dealt with compassion. Will be sharing this with her 😄

Rakhi Kurup's avatar

So cute you look Karthik ❤️

And what luck to participate in such competitions, to win and to have a picture with the Roerichs. You should frame that certificate and hang it in your living room. 😍

And I can so resonate with the “praise” story. Always brushing it off, hard work, lucky, my duty, good boss etc.

Mukta Naik's avatar

So lovely Karthik! It’s a strange feeling when we manage to make these connections. At the very least this journey of writing memoir and understanding ourselves better is helping me become a more aware (not sure if better, though) parent!

nidhipatnaik's avatar

Thanks for sharing such an enlightening post, Karthik! I also struggle with receiving compliments and your writing makes me realise how the act of writing is liberating in itself.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Hi Nidhi, thank you so much for your comment. I am very happy to know reading this has been useful for you. Dr Mate talks about three steps - first we recognize that our current ways are connected to what happened to us in our childhoods; second, we become aware of our behavioural patterns; and third, we seek help/intervene through therapy, journaling, somatic experiences and so on. Writing is my way of figuring out things for myself. Also, sharing it with the wider world is how I am learning to accept myself and own my story.

nidhipatnaik's avatar

Thanks for the insight! I also use writing as tool to process and figure out things. You are right about sharing it with the wider world as way of owing your story ad accepting yourself which is so important. I still have to work on that, so hearing this makes me also realize why its important to share.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

All the bestest :)

Ajay Kelkar's avatar

I so relate to this. I have begun to pause and let praise sink in at least before I respond. That’s my limited ambition for now. There is a deeper connection to this as you point out. Right now your essay has helped me continue to be curious about this , thanks for a lovely piece!

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Hi Ajay, Thank you for reading and responding. I am so glad this resonated with you. Yes, allowing the praise to sink in first before responding in silly ways - is what I am focusing on too right now. I feel we have to learn to enjoy the moment first and respond sincerely. Now that we have this awareness, I am sure will find a way :)