Reading: The White Lotus S3

For Rick and Chelsea

The White Lotus is an anthology series on Hotstar (India). This essay is my attempt at doing a character study of one of the leads.

You need not have watched the show to to read the essay. But if you are planning to watch the show, I have to warn you this contains major spoilers.

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Chelsea: You're free.

Rick: Told you, you have nothing to worry about.

Chelsea: Of course I was worried. I love you.

But you know, I was never too worried.

Because ‘amor fati’.

Do you know what that means?

Rick: I don't know what that means.

Chelsea: It means you have to embrace your fate, good or bad.

Whatever will be, will be.

Yeah. And at this point, we're linked, so if a bad thing happens to you, it happens to me.

I think we're gonna be together forever, don't you?

Rick: That's the plan.

Chelsea: Is it?

Rick: Yeah.

(The White Lotus S3 E8 ‘Amor Fati’)

For once Rick was on steady ground. He was not being chased and neither was he on the hunt looking for someone or something. He had pulled off the riskiest heist of his life and earned his freedom. He was finally feeling like just another guy enjoying a meal with his woman.

It was a moment which even Chelsea could not have manifested. She had tried, failed and learnt the hard way not to make any plans for their future. She had taken up spirituality and trained herself to accept whatever life offered - amor fati.

But here when Rick finally speaks of a plan for them, she cannot help but be overwhelmed by the moment. She feels the warmth transfer all the way from her chest to the tip of her earlobes.

Rick had never known his father and his mother had died when he was only ten. He was not aware that he could dream up a good life for himself. A career in crime chose him because he had nothing to lose and had become suited for taking big risks. Having lived this kind of a life, it was natural that he could not trust another soul.

Rick’s life had been full of dark corridors that led to more dark corridors. And Chelsea shone in that darkness like a lucid dream. He never understood why someone like her would want to be with someone like him. He struggled to believe that he could be touched by love.

But here he was at last!

Far from the secret corridors, the dark lanes, and the dingy neighbourhoods. He was now in the open field - the one that is beyond all the rights and wrongs of the world.

Finally, it had all started to make sense to him. He now realized that he had to live through everything - the bad and the worse - to get till here. Many a time, he would regret some of those bad decisions he had taken when he was younger. Not anymore. He could now see that even if one decision had worked out for him, he would not have been here now. His life had to follow the exact same pattern of disastrous events for him to make it to Chelsea.

It was all fine now.

He was beginning to accept his crazy life with all the good and the bad.

He was learning to accept himself.

But little did he know that there was the old man lurking right behind him.

Rick was seated in front of that old man - his childhood trauma - just a few nights back. He had been preparing himself for years to face-off with his trauma. He had carried a gun along, but the meeting didn't go as per plan. In hindsight, Rick was relieved that he had made it through without any bloodshed.

But today, the old man had come armed while Rick was enjoying a buffet breakfast. The trauma had shown up without a sign and Rick was caught with a half-eaten plate in hand.

Childhood trauma doesn't care for your breakfast. When it shows up, you just stand and obey. An onlooker might shrug their shoulders and say, 'He walked right into that one.'

But Rick knows that he didn't walk at all. He was being pulled by a force that was beyond any of his strengths. It was the same invisible force that had brought him here from across continents.

Rick shows enough awareness to seek out the local healer who just might bring him back to the present and strengthen his defence. But the healer is not available at that time. That is such an irony because it was the healer who had been following up with Rick all through the week reminding him that they had some internal work to do. At that time, Rick wasn't ready.

Chelsea is caught completely unaware of which direction Rick is headed in. She chases him around and tries her best to dissuade him from going any further.

You are free, remember?
But he wasn't completely free. Not yet.

Those tense final moments are symbolic for some of us with mental health struggles. Our loved ones and our therapists can play vital roles in our recovery, but they also have their limitations.

In the end, the only person who could have saved Rick was Rick himself.