28 Comments
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Dhruv Nigam's avatar

Thanks for writing this. This line in particular was powerful and helped me understand myself better-

"Over time, children like us end up becoming extremely self-reliant and learn to take care of everything by ourselves. But then, this is not a useful quality for building relationships in our adult lives."

Also thanks for the reminder to get to The Bear season 2!

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thank you for reading and responding, Dhruv. I am so glad this essay found you :))

The Bear can get difficult sometimes but I have started to believe in Carmen - mostly because I feel a kinship with him and I'm rooting for him to get over to the other side. He will, he will.

Nidhi Arora's avatar

Wow Karthik...you capture that sinking feel so well. You have a way of conveying the heaviest of feelings in the gentlest of ways. I'm going to watch Kumbalangi Nights now.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Your feedback means a lot to me. Thank you, Nidhi! :))

Rakhi Kurup's avatar

It is such a pleasure to read you Karthik. You express yourself so well, others can only dream of. And the examples from movies are so apt. The things we do as parents sometimes backfire in a different way. We can only hope for the best. But I am glad to know that you did not hesitate to seek the help you need and deserve. Hugs to you.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thanks a lot for your supportive words! :))

Raju Tai's avatar

Karthik, reading this felt like someone is connecting the stars and showing a constellation.. Having watched these stories on screen and having read your essays - I knew that they shine - But now I can see how they shine together, and the constellation is larger than the sum of its stars. People who can both help and take help are the richest.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Wow! What a line - 'people who can both help and take help are the richest'. This feels so good!! Thank you so much, Raju!! :))

Roshni's avatar

Fantastic Karthik ...the connections the depth and the absolutely sparkling honesty of this piece...thank you for offering a perspective that is usually the one I try to block out most often ..

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thanks so much, Roshni! This means a lot!

Dipali Taneja's avatar

Beautifully written, and so very meaningful.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thank you , Dipali. I am glad to know this :))

SUDHA RAO's avatar

Wow Karthik, such an emotional one, a big hug to you. Thank you for penning it down.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thank you, Sudha! Typing on word doc was easy but copying it to Substack made it ready to be published. And then I spent one day doing one hour's job of tinkering with it while also asking myself if I am ready to publish this or not. Finally it happened this morning. Phew! :))

Alaknanda Sengupta's avatar

This is so beautifully written, Karthik, the emotions still raw but so well articulated. The emotions of the movie and your own life seamlessly intertwined. Thank you for your lovely session the other day! Have you watched the Marathi series Lampan on SonyLiv?

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thank you so much, Alaknanda! I haven't watched the show. I will surely watch it since you are recommending.

Sanket's avatar

This is so moving Karthik. And so so genuine. I need to re-read this a few times( along-with rewatching what KN and the other things you quote) to do it justice. But fabulous writing.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thanks a lot Sanket! This means a lot to me! :)

Natasha Badhwar's avatar

Karthik, I am so deeply moved by this essay, so quietly proud of your inner work towards healing and sharing … I’ve been without words because I am feeling it all so profoundly. Thank you

💜

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thank you, Natasha :')

I sometimes think it about this way - if things had turned the way they did, I would not have reached here. Everything had to happen exactly as it did for me to get here, and this - here - is an amazing place. So it's all great!

Gowri N Kishore's avatar

With this post, you've made me look at Kumbalangi Nights in a whole new way. My attention was so caught on Shammi as a wonderfully executed glyph of toxic masculinity that I hadn't sufficiently appreciated these beautiful details. Time for a re-watch!

Karthik Ballu's avatar

I hope you remember the way Shammi slid up to the head of their dining table.

Do watch and tell us what else you see now. Good movies have many nuances we might miss the first time. Like my Literature teacher used to say about good books - 'there are no coincidences; every small detail has been well thought out.'

Ravi Nistala's avatar

Enjoyed this personal account of how you look at movies.

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thank you, Ravi. I am glad you liked it :))

Rohan Banerjee's avatar

Terrific, Karthik! Your honesty and ability to weave in cultural references really set your personal writing apart. Loved this. :)

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Thanks a lot for your kind, articulate and encouraging feedback. Means a lot :))

Shreya's avatar

Karthik - nothing to say because I have a stone in my throat. This is the kind of writing that I emulate and admire in infinite ways - because not only does the prose sing a poignant tune, but the emotion comes through in such a visceral yet understated way... I'm going to revisit this often. You have a gift 🤗

Karthik Ballu's avatar

Oh man, thank you for your infinite kindness with your reading and responding. This essay and its writer are both feeling the love. 🥹